


Five Times Jason Todd Met his Neighbors

by storiesfortravellers



Category: DCU, DCU (Animated), DCU (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Banter, Crack, F/M, Humor, Implied Domestic Abuse of OMC by OMC, Inappropriate Gifts to Children, Jason Todd Tries to Be Normal, Neighbors, Spies & Secret Agents, Weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 02:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3158567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cracky fic about Jason Todd trying to be a good neighbor. Eventual Jason/Natasha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Jason Todd Met his Neighbors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [likewinning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/likewinning/gifts).



“Hi, my name’s Jill, I live upstairs, nice to meet you! So, I was wondering, with us being neighbors at all, if maybe I could borrow a cup of sugar?”

“Ummm… I’m pretty sure I don’t have any sugar. I mean I take my coffee black, so….”

“Oh. I was just hoping you might have some because nobody else I’ve asked has any, and I really wanted to make a bundt cake for my office get-together, and it’s my favorite recipe, it’s an orange cake with lemon-lime icing and – uh… are those knives? Those… can’t be knives.” She stared at the rows and rows of blades of all different lengths, many of them with dried blood on them, hanging from the wall. 

“Yeah. They’re knives. You don’t know what knives look like? No offense, but that’s kind of weird.”

“I’m, um… going to go…uh… bake a cake now.”

“But you don’t have any sugar.”

“I’ll go without,” she mumbled quickly and ran toward the stairs.

Jason shrugged and closed the door. He had never had to deal with neighbors before, not like this.

Neighbors were weird.

\--

“Stop! You don’t want to do this!” Jason heard. The sound was soft, muffled by the walls.

Jason sighed as he looked at the clock flashing 3:00 AM. When he was younger, he would have been happy for a chance to kick the shit out of somebody. Now, he just kind of wanted a good night’s sleep.

He got out of bed, pulled on some jeans, and headed down the hall and knocked on the door the yelling was coming from.

A man answered. Jason had seen him around the apartment building, getting his mail, entering and exiting. The larger man scowling at him from the other side of the living room used to come around a lot to see Jason’s neighbor, but not as much lately.

“Sorry for the noise,” the man at the door said, “I’m so sorry.”

“Everything okay here?” Jason asked.

“Mind your own business,” the large man snapped at him.

Jason tilted his head, looked at the man at the door, nodded at the bruises on his wrists. “If those aren’t recreational, I’d really like to come in.”

“It’ll just make him angry,” the neighbor answered. 

“Hey,” Jason said to the larger man, giving him a smirk, “I live in this apartment building, and your ugly is bringing down the property values. I think you’re gonna have to leave.”

The large man rushed toward Jason, and was soon on the ground, crying over his hurt shoulder.

Jason showed exemplary restraint (in his opinion) and let the man run away.

“Thanks,” his neighbor said with a tired smile.

“Sure. And if you ever want me to do anything, you know, permanent, no problem,” Jason said. He figured he should get the hang of being a good neighbor.

His neighbor’s eyes widened. “Uh… I think I’ll just get a restraining order. And maybe an alarm system.”

“Okay, whatever. ‘Night then.” 

“… ‘Night.”

\--

“Hey, you live in 842, right? I’m going on vacation, would you mind watering my plants while I’m gone? They’re not complicated, I just need someone to keep them alive for a couple of weeks.”

“Uh… honestly, I’m better at the opposite thing.”

“The opposite of what?”

“Keeping things alive.”

“Oh….” 

“But have a nice vacation.”

“Sure. Um… thanks.”

\--

“Timmy! What is that?”

“A throwing star, Mom! Isn’t it awesome?”

“Where did you get that?!?”

“Trick or treating. The man down the hall said he didn’t have any candy, so he gave me this! He seems really cool.”

“Timmy, if you ever talk to that man again, I am taking away all your videogames for a year!”

“But Mom!”

“This is not a negotiation.”

\--

“Hey, I’m Natalie. I’m your neighbor.”

“Oh. Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“I’ve heard so much about you, I wanted to meet you.” She smiled at him.

He stared at her a long time. “I’m retired, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“I’m retired too. But you seem very indiscreet for someone who’s retired. And I’m enjoying my nice, calm retirement, and I don’t want anyone to mess with that. So I wanted to observe you myself.”

“To see if I’m a threat? Well, what do you think?” He smirked at her.

“I wasn’t worried about a threat. Threats I’m good at handling. I was concerned you might turn into an annoyance.”

“Well, according to my closest former friends, I’m definitely that.”

She smiled, slightly. “I’m not surprised.”

“So you’ve heard about me? Here I was afraid that nobody here even knew I existed. I thought they were all ignoring me.”

“No. They just don’t include you because they’re terrified of you,” she said neutrally. “May I come in?”

Jason shrugged and stepped aside to let her in.

“Many of your knives are uncleaned,” she observed.

“You find that disgusting? Terrifying? Psychotic?”

“I find it unprofessional.”

“I’m sorry I’m not up to your high fucking standards.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Not used to criticism? I take it you were trained by criminals. Or vigilantes. Not by an agency or bureau.”

“…That is none of your business.”

She narrowed her eyes. “And you have very ambivalent emotions about the people or person who trained you, based on your reaction.”

“...You’re one of those really nosy neighbors, aren’t you?”

She smiled. “So what?”

Jason smiled back. “You really retired?”

She paused. “Some days more than others. But I’m trying.” She looked back at him, eyes just a little harder. Defensive.

“I’m trying too. I just kind of suck at a lot of things I try.”

“Oh really?”

“I mean, except for the huge number of things I’m awesome at. It’s a long list. Because I'm pretty awesome.”

She gave him a skeptical look.

“For example, I’m great at ordering takeout,” he said. “You wanna stay for dinner?”

She shrugged. “I was thinking I should observe you for a few months first.”

“Not buying it. You’re obviously the type who can read people in ten seconds flat. You don’t need months, and you don’t underestimate your skills either.” He gave her another smirk.

She smiled. “Fine. We’ll have dinner. I’ll choose the restaurant.”

“Sure thing, Natasha.”

“I said my name was Natalie.”

“Yeah, you said that.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Nice work, Robin.”

He inhaled quickly, then forced himself to relax. “Okay. You play to win. I can respect that. And I really do want to have dinner with you. I promise I won’t try to kill you unless it’s in self-defense.”

“That’s adorable that you think you could defend yourself from me.”

“I knew I liked you.”

She paused. Then, “Thai food.”

“You got it, neighbor.”

She rolled her eyes, then plopped down on his couch, somehow avoiding all the spots where Jason had cached weapons between the cushions. 

Jason pulled out his phone to order dinner. He kept his eyes on her the entire time.

Purely because she was dangerous. No other reason.

**Author's Note:**

> For these prompts:  
> Neighbors AU for Trope Bingo, Prompt: "Jason/anyone neighbors because can you even imagine someone semi-normal living next to him? "I went over to borrow a cup of sugar and he didn't have any but there was a collection of knives on the wall and they looked used so I got the hell out of there."
> 
> and for comment-fic on lj:  
> DCU, Jason Todd, fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting


End file.
